Navigating Perfectionism in the Third Trimester of Pregnancy

It’s natural to want the best for your baby. The best crib, pram, or toys. This is often because you want to keep them safe and happy and comes from a place of unconditional love. However, this kind of thought process can lead to perfectionism which can be harmful for your mental health, due to unattainable and unrealistic standards [1].

Perfectionism can often rear its head in the third trimester, as the due date approaches, and understanding and controlling this perfectionism will be beneficial for you overall wellbeing.

## How Perfectionism can Bubble to the Surface

Perfectionism can often be the result of wanting the best for your baby and wanting to ensure your baby is safe, happy, and nurtured. However, sometimes perfectionism can be rooted in peer pressure from within the ‘mothering’ and ‘pregnancy’ community [2]. This pressure to conform to pre-set ‘societal standards’ about child rearing and parental comparisons can lead to anxiety, stress, and feelings of failure.

Other forms of perfectionism could result in trying to maintain strict schedules and plans, such as baby showers, registry matters, or nursery setups. Again, this can cause stress as often these strict timelines are unachievable.

## Controlling Perfectionism

As perfectionism during pregnancy is often a source of stress it is useful to try and recognise when this unhealthy thought process is occurring. Mindfulness activities can often help you to recognise and reduce perfectionism and it’s harmful or distressing emotional consequences [3]. One way to do this is to engage in a compassion body scan. This method enhances our self-compassion, allowing self-acceptance, mindfulness and increasing happiness [4].

## Self-compassionate Body Scanning

Follow these simple steps whenever you recognise yourself falling into the grasp of perfectionist thinking [5].

1. Find a comfortable position. This could be standing up straight, leaning against a wall, or sitting in a cozy chair.

2. Take the time to settle yourself. You can use your senses to help. Notice and recognise the sounds you hear, the smells around you, and how things feel when you touch them. Notice your breathing more and let your body and mind relax.

3. Now, bring your attention to your head. It may be easier to close your eyes. Let the tension in your jaw or eyelids loosen.

4. Now move to your throat and neck. Loosen any tension you feel.

5. Bring your attention to your shoulders and notice how this attention trickles down your arms and into your fingertips. Notice pain and discomfort. Loosening tension and allowing yourself to feel your emotions. You may wish to hold your hand against your heart and feel it beat beneath your chest.

6. Continue down to the belly, back, and pelvis. Bring compassionate attention to every part of your body. If difficult feelings arise, return to your breathing or you can try repeating loving and kind phrases, such as ‘may I be healthy’, ‘may I be peaceful’, and ‘may I love myself’. You could simplify this to keywords such as ‘safety’ ‘loving’, and ‘healthy’.

7. If you come up against a strong dislike of any part of the body, try saying in the kindest tone you can: May I love and accept my body just as it is. May I bring kindness and compassion to this body.

8. Now move down to your things, knees, ankles, and feet. Appreciate what your body is doing and how hard it works. If any overwhelming feelings arise for a specific part of the body, feel free to bypass this part and return to it later when you feel ready.

9. End the process with compassion for your entire body. All its scars and imperfections. All pains and discomforts. Try to appreciate and love your body for what it’s doing.

10. When you feel ready, stretch out and wiggle your fingers and toes. Rotate your wrists and ankles and open your eyes.

**It’s normal to want the best from your baby and come from a place of unconditional love. However, when this becomes intense and unattainable it can begin to develop into perfectionism and worsen your mental wellbeing. It’s useful to give yourself compassion and engage in mindfulness to quieten those perfectionist thoughts and give yourself a break.**