Developing your Emotional Toolbox

Our emotions can be overwhelming, and when they are at their peak, knowing how to calm down can be the last thing on our minds. Creating a list of things that help us calm down can be helpful to prepare for when these big emotions arise. We can think of these as tools in our “emotional toolbox”.

Relaxation Tools

These are strategies that we can use to slow down and calm ourselves. Relaxation techniques help us release tension physically and psychologically [1]. Such strategies have often been implemented within forms of psychotherapy.

1. Box Breathing

There are several different deep breathing exercises people use to calm down, and box breathing is a great entry-level strategy for those who are new to this. While following this exercise, it is helpful to visualise a box with four equal sides.

• First, take a deep breath through your nose for 4 seconds.

• Second, hold that breath for 4 seconds.

• Third, breathe out through your mouth for 4 seconds.

• Fourth, hold your breath again for 4 seconds. Repeat this exercise until you feel relaxed.

2. Guided Imagery

This exercise involves visualising a calming and peaceful environment. This can be down sitting or lying down and imagining you are in a peaceful setting, like a beach or forest. It is possible to self-guide your imagery but if you would like suggestions, check out our bonding exercises.

3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This technique essentially involves systematically tensing then relaxing one muscle group at a time. It is important to notice the shift in tension as you go through this exercise. This typically takes around 15 minutes and involves being in an environment where you can close your and not be disturbed.

• You can start by tensing your feet and working your way up your body until you reach your head.

• Take a slow, deep breath and tense each muscle group as hard as you can for 5 seconds and then release.

• After relaxing for 15 seconds, move on to the next muscle group.

• Getting used to focusing on the difference between tension and relaxation can take time, however with practice it becomes a lot easier.

Distraction Tools

These involve engaging in activities that help shift our focus from emotions that are difficult to deal with. Sometimes focusing on a strong emotion can make it feel even stronger [2], therefore temporarily directing your attention to something else can give your emotion enough time to calm down.

While these can be helpful in the short term, they are not a “fix” to the cause of the emotion you are trying to avoid. You are likely to return to the same feeling you were experiencing so utilising other techniques, such as those involving problem-solving, can help manage the emotion. Below are some common distraction techniques that you can try to distract yourself.

• Recite the alphabet backwards

• Listen to your favourite song(s)

• Say aloud the 7 times table

• Find an object in your surroundings that matches each colour of the rainbow

We all experience different emotional reactions, and therefore will find certain strategies more helpful than others. Try to think of these techniques as skills, the more you practise them, the easier they will be to implement.

This also means that while you may find them unhelpful at first, over time they can have a significant impact on your wellbeing, so don’t give up and keep going!