7 Proven Ways to Build the Bond with Your Baby

The bond between you and your baby usually develops naturally as you care for them each day. It's completely normal to feel uncertain and like you're not sure what you're doing. Remember, all new parents need time to adjust.

How Do Babies connect to the world?

Both you and your baby exchange nonverbal emotional cues. Even in the first days of life, your baby picks up on your emotional cues, like your tone of voice, and sends you signals by crying, smiling, etc.

Scientists studying mother-child bonding state that behaviours such as crying are used to prevent separation from the mother. It is like saying, “I want you near me, Mommy!”

Your newborn interacts with the world through:

• Touch as an early language, e.g. skin-to-skin contact.

• Eye-to-eye contact.

• Following moving objects with their eyes.

• Lastly, babies prefer human voices, like listening to your conversations.

So, what can promote bonding?

Step 1: You!

Like on an aeroplane, when you are always instructed to “put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others”. This is similarly important for a new parent because if you run out of energy, you won’t be able to help your baby. Bonding will be much easier if you aren't exhausted. Try to get enough sleep. Find ways to cope with stressful times (like making a fun list).

Talk to your partner, family, and friends about how you feel. And it's OK to ask family members to help you after you bring your baby home. Maternal social support is essential for bonding to develop well. In many parts of the world, such as Latin America, the Middle East, and Asia, postpartum traditions provide several weeks of support for new parents via rest, family support, and childcare.

If you do not have such support, sometimes you can build a support system, for example, contacting nearby friends, neighbours…. etc.

Step 2: The first postpartum hour.

Bonding can be quickly established by early breastfeeding and skin-to-skin contact.

Both breastfeeding and skin-to-skin contact increase oxytocin, AKA the “love hormone”. Oxytocin enhances the mother-infant bonding. Early skin-to-skin contact is both the best and most undemanding intervention to reduce stress and pain in the mother, as well as “the stress of being born” in the newborn.

Step 3: Notice your baby's cues.

Each baby has a unique personality. Some babies might be soothed by activities such as rocking, whereas others might prefer calm music. The key is to learn your baby's cues.

Watch your baby's facial expressions and body movements for clues about their needs.

Sometimes, babies will fuss no matter what you do. You may have thoughts like, “I am having a hard time reading my baby's signs” or “I can't comfort my own baby!”. When this happens, keep up your efforts to communicate with and soothe your baby. Your patience and care benefit your baby even if they continue to fuss.

Step 4: Respond to needs.

The myth says, "Always responding to babies’ needs makes them spoiled.”

Conversely, the more responsive you are to your baby’s needs, the better. Bonding creates trust, and children with secure attachments tend to be more independent, not less. Caring for your baby in a nurturing, responsive way affects their brain development.

Step 5: To be the “perfect” parent….

You don't always have to be “perfect “to bond with your baby. Do your best, and don't worry if you don't always know what your baby wants. What matters is that you are responsive to your baby. No one can be fully present and attentive 24 /7. We are humans, after all! So, do not strive to be perfect. Instead of “perfect”, we say **“Happy mother…happy child!”**

Step 6: Talk, laugh, and play with your baby.

Talk to your baby as you care for them throughout the day. Your body language, tone of voice, and loving touch are all important ways of connecting to your baby. When you see signs that your baby wants to play, relax and enjoy! It doesn’t have to be something fancy. Keep it simple. Sometimes, all it takes is a game of peek-a-boo! However, watch for signs that your baby needs to stop playing because they have become overstimulated.

Step 7: Bonding for daddies too

To emotionally connect with the baby can be more challenging for fathers. However, with a little more effort, dads can still achieve bonding. Both parents benefit greatly when they can support and encourage one another in the bonding process.

Early bonding activities for daddies include:

• Participating in labour and delivery

• Bottle feeding: Dads can bond with the baby during feeding by looking into the baby's eyes, smiling, and talking.

• Reading or singing to the baby.

• Bathing the baby

• Mirroring baby's movements and sounds

• Using a front baby carrier or sling during daily activities

• Skin-to-skin contact with the baby.

What if there is a problem?

Whatever the cause, the sooner a problem is addressed, the better. Sharing your feelings about bonding with your support circle can also be helpful.

However, if you don't feel like you're bonding by the time you take your baby to the first office visit with your pediatrician, discuss your concerns then.